Blizzard logoI’ve long been a fan of Blizzard and enjoyed their games on occasion. As part of leaving them for the time being, I posted the following on one of their forums.

The post was immediately taken down, and I was banned.

One great virtue of Warcraft II was its complete lack of women in it, i.e., of female characters, female voices, or even females anywhere in the background.

If you plan on making new games, I suggest that you hark back and return to the blessed innocence of those un-PC golden days of yore. The present popular culture is seriously starting to sicken me.

Among movies, the only one I know that features the same purity, shall we say, is Lawrence of Arabia. Now there was some speculation, if I remember correctly, that Lawrence himself was somewhat gay, but let’s set this aside.

We all know that female gamers do not exist, and men do need an occasional break from women (I know, scandalous!) which entertainment such as yours should be able to supply. I see no reason why your games need to be contaminated with feminist bullshit, or with feminists for that matter.

Kerrigan, for example, is probably your greatest failure. What a filthy excuse for a creature. Twisted by hate and rage, she’s the ugliest zerg in the game and least likable character. In these, she rivals only the undead Sylvanas in Warcraft 3:

Varimathras: Come now, you have no intention of giving them their lands back.
Sylvanas: Of course not. The humans are simply a means to an end.
Varimathras: You sound more like one of us with every passing day, my lady.

“Means to an end.” Great. Your female characters are strong and independent sicko bitches. Jaina and Dr. Hanson are fine, though.

Since I feel on a roll, let me comment on your black characters.

Take General Warfield. He sounds awful, disgusting. He can barely pronounce simple words. He’s dumb as a doorknob. He should be digging latrines, not commanding armies.

Tyrael is another black dude. While incomparably better than Warfield, he isn’t right. It is clear that the actor voicing Tyrael spent a lot of time practicing. But he didn’t succeed. Something is off. I hate hearing Tyrael speak.

Remember the Worf character in Star Trek? For a long time, I didn’t even realize he was black. Why? Well, there was the makeup, but also because he spoke like a normal, i.e., white, person. Couldn’t you have hired him to voice Tyrael?

I’ll give you credit: you’ve succeeded marvelously with Tosh in StarCraft II, Vol’jin in Warcraft III, and trolls in general. I love the Jamaican accent. It’s awesome. If I could speak with a Jamaican accent, I’d do it all the time. The Jamaican accent has none of the depraved dull aggressive hatred for fellow men with which black people speak across our beautifully diverse country. So, irie, mon.

(It may well be that actual Jamaicans are real bastards, I don’t know. Can I hold on to some of my illusions, please?)

The Witch Doctor is fine, too. He’s got an African accent. I like it. He is completely non-threatening. He lives in a primitive tribe in Africa. He stays there, I’ll stay here, everybody happy. Unlike Jussie Smollett, the Witch Doctor does not present himself as a pathetic victim of white Trumpists. He does not wander around America ruining real estate values and committing violent crimes with the implicit purpose, programmed into him by the Democrats, of shocking the bourgeoisie. He’s 100% inoffensive.

In an attempt to forestall the inevitable deletion of this self-evidently despicable post by horrified moderators, be it known that I “identify” as uh… someone with these opinions. I, too, am a victim or at least aspire to be one. From now on I want you guys to call me “Apache”; thank you for being so understanding; etc.

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