I’m thinking of running for President on the following platform:

I urge all poor people to vote for me, because I will take money from the rich and give it to you, the people. You will personally profit from voting for me. Let me buy the presidency by offering you, the average American, cold hard cash.

The rich people, however, will not be slighted. What I loot from you in taxes, I will plentifully restore to you in inflation. I will print money — lots of money — and give the new cash to you, the rich. Therefore I ask that you donate copiously to my campaign and help me get my message across and get elected.

Money for everybody: untold riches await you! Chernikov for President!

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